Scottish, Catholic, but not very fervent, I was 17 years old when, during the sacrament of Reconciliation, I understood that I am deeply loved by God and that he is there, constantly by my side. This rediscovery gave my a profound and lasting joy. At high school some of my friends also had a strong experience of God. Some felt they were called to the priesthood, but that didn't seem to concern me. I was a happy student.  I went to Mass during the week, I read the Bible, I prayed every day, a little at first, then for longer times. I knew that God was near and I learned to recognize his presence also in events, in people I met or in phrases I remembered from a sermon. 

When I went to university the question of my vocation came up from time to time but I did not find any clear answer. I knew that God was there and that he accompanied me. That was enough for me.

After I finished my studies, I left Scotland for the School of Evangelisation at  Paray-le-Monial. I was going to know Christ better and give more time to God. I asked the Lord for the grace to surrender to what I had to live during that year, without being worried about questions of  vocation and the consequences. At Easter, at table with my friends, we began to talk about the subject of our future. It was then that I began to evoke for the first time the possibility of consecrated life.

The idea was totally new to me, but I felt peaceful. Then it began to be more and more important. God was doing something new in me! However, I preferred to wait before throwing myself into consecrated life. At the feast of the Ascension, seeing a couple, the father and mother of a family, I said to myself, "How beautiful marriage is!" Towards the feast of Pentecost during Mass, I found myself thinking, "It would be great to be a priest!", and in the same movement of my heart I felt, "but for you there will be something else."  At that moment, I would have said yes to everything for the Lord, and there was the encouragement I was waiting for. Consecrated life would not be a refusal of another way, but truly the best thing for me, a positive choice. A few years later, explaining that my true joy at being consecrated in celibacy was to be with God, to experience  his presence in everyday life and to carry with me the love of Jesus who loves me like a brother, I remembered that first encounter with God when I was 17 years old. The same enthusiasm is still with me.

Philip